At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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