what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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