I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
