my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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