Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
where are my eyebrows?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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