Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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