am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
babies were throwing up all over the place
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
