don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
