oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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