Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
