Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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