The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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