"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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