from now on my penis is your penis
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
