I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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