I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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