Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize