Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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