they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
