U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
