The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
