My nipple is on Facebook.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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