You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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