i would punch a child for taco bell
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
