i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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