I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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