Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize