lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm passing your future prison.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
