There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
