Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
