well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
