My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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