I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
