Cold hands, warm shart.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
