Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
