Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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