Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
