The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
