One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
