he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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