I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
