I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
