Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize