So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
