You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we have officially lost it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
