i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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