Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
