As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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