Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
