He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
