I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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