Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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