It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
