Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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