I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
