just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
