I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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