OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
