All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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