i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
