What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
