Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize