Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
